In the context of relationship problems the question “does he still love me” often arises. It can quickly happen that you are unsure and no longer know whether he really still loves you.
In this article I would like to show you if he really still loves you and how you can recognize this.
Therefore I have divided the article into 18 handy signs to see if he still loves you. And here is valid: the more signs apply the higher is the probability that he still loves you.
If you are still unsure and don’t know if he still loves you, the following “trick” will help: Ask him personally if he still loves you. On the basis of his reaction (and therefore it is important that you ask him the question personally) and of course also his answer, you can best determine whether he still loves you.
But first you should read the following signs. Because many signs (if they are true) are a clear and unambiguous signal. Therefore I don’t want to torture you any longer and wish you a lot of fun while reading.
It is also important that you think about why you ask yourself this question and where the distrust comes from.
1. you are planning a common future
Is he talking about a common future or has he talked about it more often lately? Do you have common plans for the future? If so, this is a very good sign. Here are some examples of future plans that will help you to better assess the situation:
- Do you plan to start a small family?
- Do you want to move in together?
- Have you already planned your next holiday?
- Do you want to use a shared account in the near future
- Buy a car together?
- Do you want to open a business together and start your own business together?
- Are you planning a world trip together?
All these are of course only possibilities for joint plans for the future. Of course, not all points need to be true. But, if one or the other point is already there, then this is a very good sign that his love for you has not yet died out.
Joint plans are always something that shows that the partner still wants something from the relationship. Unfortunately, however, it can also be the case that the joint plan is the last thing that is undertaken together. Try to assess his feelings when you talk about the plans.
It is also possible that the plans have been in place for years and the love has still developed in the wrong direction. In this case it helps to start carefully with the mentioned plans and to ask how it actually looks like at the moment. So you get a good impression of whether you both still stick to the plans or whether this is rather one-sided.
2. Decisions are made together
Do you make your decisions together or does he involve you in your decisions? This refers to decisions that mainly concern your future together (for example what kind of car you are going to buy).
But also smaller decisions (like “what are we going to eat for dinner tonight”) can be an indicator that you are a team together. The stronger you make decisions together, the stronger this is a signal for a positive and sound relationship. Of course, he can be an individualist and want to give you your freedom. But it is important that you make the special and unique decisions together. A meal passes quickly. A new apartment stays.
If it is the case that you no longer make decisions together, or that he only makes all important decisions alone, then talk to him. Here “I-messages” are very important to substantiate your wishes. Below is an example:
I-messages have the advantage that they positively reinforce your own concern. Above all, they show him the importance of the message and that it concerns you in particular. This way you still have the chance to be included in his decisions in the future. Talk to him about the feelings he is conveying to you.
3. The sex is great for both
Ask yourself this question: Is the sex really great for both of you? Or is it just him? The question that actually arises is whether he will also respond to you in your relationship or partnership or whether he will only think of himself. Some men have a natural habit of satisfying themselves and forgetting the woman, which in itself is not a good characteristic of a man.
Of course, it can happen from time to time that only one person is satisfied with the result, but this should not increase if possible. It is especially suspicious if he has been responsive to you in the past but now only half-heartedly jerks back and forth.
This can be an indication that he no longer loves you or has less interest in your interests.
You can also talk to him about this. For example, tell him that you are slowly losing the fun of sex if he only thinks about himself. Of course, this primarily leads to tension in the partnership, but in a functioning relationship, everyone should be able to communicate their opinions openly and honestly.
And communication during sex is always inherently important. Maybe he just doesn’t know what exactly you like and you have to give him a little help.
4. He accepts your weaknesses with peace and serenity
Are weaknesses tolerated by him? Or does he ever go crazy when you make a little mistake? You can see very well how he treats you as a person and how he appreciates you. Does he accept and tolerate you? Or does he take every little opportunity to start an argument with you?
It is very easy to provoke an argument, especially when you are close to each other. So a strangely expressed toothpaste tube is taken to criticize you. This is never good, in a good or bad relationship alike.
Men who are always looking for a fight are often looking for a reason to end the relationship. This is not always the case, but the possibility exists. Check if his hostility might have something to do with the stress in his life. This way, arguments at work can easily be brought home.
However, if he always approaches you with calmness and composure and is happy to help you with problems, you can assume that he is prepared to keep your relationship for a longer period of time. In this way he wants to prepare a solid foundation for the relationship that is designed to last.
Often you are not calm enough yourself and his “aggressiveness” simply reflects your own reaction. Therefore it is really important to reflect on yourself and to question yourself. Often this can also be a reason why his love stops or becomes weaker. Especially if you are constantly irritated yourself.
So ask yourself: Are you yourself with him as he should be with you?
5. He spends a lot of his time with you
Even if he spends a lot of time with you, this is another very good sign that he still loves you. Of course it is best if he tries to spend every free minute with you. No matter whether you are currently on vacation or at work. The more time he wants to spend actively with you, the better it is for your relationship. And the more he is attracted to you.
Also pay attention to how he spends his time with you. Is he trying to make something of it or is he not really looking for your closeness? It gets especially interesting when he’s just playing video games instead of doing something with you. Pay attention to how he organizes his time together.
If, on the other hand, he always wants to spend time with his friends and mates at every opportunity, then this is a bad sign. So if he goes out Friday or Saturday night, for example, even though you had an appointment, you can be sure that you are less important to him than his friends at that moment.
And that’s never a good sign, the relationship comes first. Of course, he can have friendship evenings now and then, but you should never be number two in his life.
Also, if he is always looking for excuses to do something else than with them, that is also rather a bad sign. Even here, you should address the situation on your own initiative and tell him that you would like more time with him. Often, problems are solved very quickly in this way.
6. You now know his family too
Another important sign that he still loves you very much is that you know his family now. This should include the father, the mother and the siblings. In the best case you also know his grandparents and his aunt and uncle.
If you should not know anybody from his family, then this can be a sign that he does not want you to enter his inner circle. Many men just don’t want you to be introduced to the whole family and then afterwards the relationship fails anyway. All the more unpleasant are his attempts at explanation.
Therefore many men prefer to play it safe and postpone such a meeting. But it does not necessarily have to be that he does not love you because of that. Sometimes it is just too early for him.
So that you can also get to know his family, you can simply ask him if there is a possibility to get to know his parents. But you should not do this too often. Too big is the danger that he is quickly annoyed by it. Alternatively, you can also introduce him to your parents. Then he can make friends with the idea for himself.
But you should also always take into account that the relationship with his family may be tense and not ideal. Maybe he simply wants to protect you from what he has experienced. Play it safe and ask, talk to him about the family situation.
7. Promises are kept and not broken
Is he reliable about his promises? If he is, this is a good time. Because it is important to him that you can rely on him. Because most of the time he wants to be treated just like you. Keeping promises and not breaking trust are cornerstones in every good relationship and show if it is a healthy relationship.
There are many things he can promise you. Below is a selection:
- In the past, has he promised you a dream vacation?
- Did he want to go apartment-hunting together with you?
- Did he say he would clean the apartment next time?
- Did he support you in your exam preparations as promised?
- Did he stay away on Saturdays as promised and do something with you?
All these are just little things, but they usually count. This is because you are usually all the more disappointed when the planned dream holiday does not take place. Even small promises and promises count, try to find out if he breaks you on purpose or if it happens unintentionally. Nevertheless, it is very frustrating when promises are not kept over and over again.
Promises are often accompanied by trust, as mentioned above. Can you rely on your partner and really trust him? I have written an important book on this subject, which deals with exactly this topic. You will be able to build up trust in him, especially if you started at 0. It is called “Building and regaining display trust” and it is available at Amazon.
8. You have similar or the same interests
Another indication that he loves you and that it is a trusted partnership is if you have similar or similar interests. This can be a common hobby or passion, for example. It is even better if he tries to find common ground.
A common hobby has the advantage that you can often experience something together. It also shows him (and you of course) that you have something in common. And it is exactly this common ground that also creates very strong bonds. Sport together also strengthens trust and team spirit. Not to mention the physical advantages it brings with it.
If you don’t have any hobbies, passions or interests in common yet, then find some. Ask yourself: What do you and he enjoy most? What would you both like to do? What would both of you not be able to do without? Surprise him with something that you both can do together. Test his reaction and what he says about it.
It is best to involve him directly in your considerations. This way you can discuss what you enjoy and decide from the outset what is less suitable for the two of you to do together. And since communication is very important in every relationship, you can practice it right away. Be responsive to each other so that everyone can be happy.
9. The topic of separation is not an issue for him at all at the moment
In the last few days, weeks or months, did the word separation occur to you? If not, everything’s okay. But if you have problems regularly and there is talk of separation (e.g. “yes, then we have to separate”), then it is possible that his love for you has diminished a bit recently, or he is really considering a possible separation. This is never a good sign.
Besides it is unfair to blackmail such a partner. You don’t want to break up, but threatening to do so is really inappropriate. You should definitely make that clear to yourself and him. You’re a team and you work together, not against each other.
If it happens more often, you can ask him why he keeps considering separation. Ask him if it is really a possible option for him. That way you will quickly find out how serious he really is about a break-up and if he feels less love for you. If the reason for his frustration can be found out, you should work together on a solution. Problems in the relationship a resulting separation is always up to both partners, try to solve it together.
If the topic of separation is an issue, I recommend my book “Processing Separation”. Here I will show you once again how to deal with a separation.
10. He is not interested in other women
Have you met a pretty woman lately and he hasn’t looked at her? If so, very well. It could mean that he really has little or no interest in any other women but you. At least that eliminates the bitter competition.
Loyalty is always a very good sign that he still loves you. Only if you are dissatisfied in a relationship, you will look for other potential partners.
On the other hand, if he turns around every 30 seconds for a new woman, you can assume that he is definitely interested in others. He does not have to do something with them right away, but there is a chance that he would like to.
Unfortunately, there are also partners who think it is perfectly ok if you are constantly looking at other women and commenting on their breasts or buttocks. Of course you like to look at a nice cleavage, but you don’t always have to look at every woman and comment on what you like.
You can kindly advise him to please refrain from doing so. Most of the time he will then have a bad conscience and really change his basic attitude.
There are also people who then react very aggressively or defensively and defend themselves and/or justify themselves. You have to expect this, but you don’t have to accept it. The only reasonable answer to your request is an apology and an insurance not to do it again.
However, it is not always that simple. Sometimes it is enough to look very obviously after another man on your next walk, so that your friend really notices. Many men are quite insecure about their girlfriends and will take a hint with the fence post in most cases.
11. He is in constant contact with them
It is also a very good sign that he still loves you, if he contacts you constantly and uses every second to be in contact with you. It doesn’t matter if it is via WhatsApp or in person. The attention counts and the fact that he would like to have contact with you.
So you can be sure that he will still have feelings for you. And usually you don’t need to doubt it from that point on. Constant and loving contact with the person you like is very important and essential for every relationship.
It is different, however, when he rarely contacts you and it is really difficult to arrange a meeting or an appointment with him. Especially if he is always very short and would like to end the contact completely. It can very well be that he feels only little for you or that his love for you has completely died out.
At your next meeting, ask him specifically how he imagines the further relationship between the two of you. Because then you will know exactly where you are with him. You can also tell him that the relationship does not make sense for you under these circumstances. This should either bring him to his senses or he will tell you what is going on.
Most of the time he will then automatically “wake up” and think about the situation. It can very well be that something changes afterwards.
12. He often gives you something
Does he give you presents often? No matter if it is a bouquet of flowers, a bar of chocolate or some jewellery. A small attention or a small gift is usually only given if you really feel something for the other person.
It shows that the other person is attentive and is happy to do something good for you. It feels good and is something you should do on both sides from time to time.
Especially in the beginning this is often the case because then the love is still very fresh. It can slowly decrease but then the gifts become more and more personal.
If he hasn’t given you a gift for a long time, this doesn’t have to be a direct reason that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, it can simply be the everyday life that has come to both of you.
It is also possible that he is saving some money to buy something bigger, like a holiday for example or an engagement ring. Just because he doesn’t give you a gift doesn’t mean that he no longer loves you.
He could also be someone who only gives things on special occasions, which is of course perfectly legitimate.
Sometimes it helps to give something to your partner before you get a gift. Thus we are often reminded or “kindly advised” that a relationship always consists of taking and giving.
13. He cheers you up when you feel bad
Does he make you laugh quickly when you’re feeling bad? Does he perhaps come up with something new to cheer you up every time? Men who do that are really in love or have strong feelings for you.
That’s simply because he knows he’ll be fine if you are. Besides, the mood is also completely different then. If he understands what cheers you up and he likes to do it, it shows clearly that he cares about you.
But it is different if he is no longer interested in you getting better. In many cases, you have then simply become indifferent to him. A clarifying conversation or simply the fact that you should try to cheer him up more often yourself can help here.
Often it is also the case that it is easier for the man to do what you want by not being demanding and simply doing exactly what you would like him to do. He may be thinking about what he can do for you, but is simply unsure.
Also consider whether he has been under a lot of stress at work or with his family lately. If he is not feeling well, he may not be able to cheer you up as well as he used to. When your own psyche is under attack, you can no longer help well.
14. He often shows you that he loves you
Does he ever tell you that he loves you? Or does he even write it in a love letter? In any case, these are very good signs and suggest that he still feels a lot for you. Usually he tells you so often because he would like to hear it himself and of course to simply share his thoughts with you. Because that way you know where you are with him.
Almost everything you read here, you should also do for him. This will certainly help and strengthen your relationship! Mutual expressions of love are very important, because nobody wants to be taken for granted. Surprise him with an evening dedicated to him or buy him the new video game he wants so much. Also show him that you love him, every day anew.
Sometimes, though, he may not even show that he loves you at all. Then it can help him to show that you love him. But there is also a chance that his love has died out and he no longer loves you. He could also be pragmatic and answer your question with the following “I once told you that I love you. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
I also recommend the book “Conquering a man’s heart” for this.
15. Approaches are always positively received
Have you approached him recently and he immediately responded positively to your approach? For example, did he approach you directly and kiss you as well? These are definitely very good signs that he still loves you.
A man who does this for no apparent reason is definitely still in love. Also his hand does not flinch when you reach for it or he hugs you often and gladly. All these are very good signs that he still wants something from you.
It is different, however, if he always blocks and does not return your advances. This is usually a sign that something is bothering him. Ask him what exactly is bothering him or why he has been blocking so much lately. A conversation can work wonders. Go into it and show understanding. There can be many reasons why he behaves like this.
Often you learn so much more than if you just accept his blocking. The question “does he still love me” then answers itself. You can also improve the relationship even when things are no longer running smoothly.
16. He takes you into consideration
Did you ever have something you didn’t understand exactly or do you need help with your smartphone (or anything else)? If he is happy to help you and thinks of a solution, this is often a sign that he is very interested in you or is in love with you.
He will then make every effort to stand by you and help with your problem. Partners who do not lose their patience quickly, even though something does not suit you, are a real blessing. Sometimes not everything works out.
So you can also assemble the famous Ikea shelf for him, while he gets his hands dirty changing tyres. Shared tasks and mutual consideration are important in a good relationship.
Also, if he lets you sleep in the morning even though he is already awake, it is a good sign. He takes you and your own personal interests into account.
It is especially nice when he understands that you are a morning grumbler and he is an early riser, that you can get along with the rhythm of the other person. Nothing is better than dealing with each other with mutual respect and acceptance.
On the other hand, does he keep pushing you away and is only annoyed when he is supposed to help you? Then this is often a sign that the interest in you is no longer so great. It is not only impolite but also hurtful.
Find out the reason for this, maybe a friend has put the flea in his ear that he doesn’t have to help you. Yes, such a thing does exist. The whole thing is justified with “As an emancipated woman you can do that yourself”
Try to help him more often in the future and ask him explicitly for advice or help. Sometimes, especially in longer relationships, the “help mode” gets a little rusty.
Simply because you have already gotten used to each other so much and everyday life has caught up with you. So bring some momentum back into your everyday life.
17. He is reliable and faithful
Have you ever asked him for something and he did it immediately? Is he loyal to you and hasn’t cheated on you yet? This can also help you to answer the question “does he still love me”.
Reliability and loyalty are essential for a good relationship and should always be present. Make sure that he is reliable and that he always keeps his promises to the best of his ability. In the same way, you should practise being reliable, always calling or answering when it is important.
Especially when he is never late, never looking at another woman and always keeps his promises, these are very good signs of his love for you. Because only men have these attributes, which you would like to keep as a friend or wife.
On the other hand, if he’s always late (because he’s been out with his boys, for example) or if he’s meeting his ex-girlfriend now and then, it’s quite possible that he doesn’t care much about you.
Look for the clarifying conversation here to find out if you are really unimportant to him.
18. He is always fully and completely focused on you during conversations
When you meet him, is he always fully concentrated and focused on you? If so, that is a very good thing. Because he shows you that there is really nothing else for him at this moment.
Undivided attention is something wonderful and clearly shows that you are important to the other person. The mobile phone is put aside, calls are ignored and you don’t suddenly chat with someone else.
In this way he gives you the necessary respect and naturally wants to actively promote and challenge the relationship. In most cases, he would like you to react in a similar way or to avoid misunderstandings. Therefore put the mobile phone aside and respond to him, pay attention to what he says. Pay him the same respect as he pays you.
The situation is different, however, if he is constantly distracted during a joint meeting. Whether it’s from other women or other circumstances. He doesn’t seem to care that much about you. This is where it helps him to speak your mind clearly. After all, he’s dating you, not someone else.
Conclusion to the question “does he still love me”
Of course you can answer the question “does he still love me” if you ask him directly if he still loves you!
But it’s often the case you don’t dare and fear the (wrong) response. And I think the 18 indicators shown above will help you get a good estimate very well. The more points, the better for you.
I also hope you were not disappointed and that there are as many points as possible that are right.
What other signs do you think he really loves you about this show?
And what are you most likely to doubt his love? Under this post, I look forward to your thoughts.