Doubts in love are much more common than we think, although many people think of love as an attitude of all or nothing, they assume it as if it were a switch that only has two positions: on or off, and when doubts in love arise they think it is because they no longer love their partner.
However, this feeling is more complex, between love and lack of love there are many facets.
Therefore, if a person questions our relationship, it does not necessarily mean that he or she no longer loves you.
Similarly, if you doubt, it does not necessarily mean that you no longer love him.
The starting point: Wrong expectations
Researchers at Heriot-Watt University are convinced that many of our expectations about how a relationship should work are determined by Hollywood romantic films.
After analyzing the 200 most famous romantic films of all time and assessing how the protagonists resolved the 3,470 incidents in their relationship, the researchers concluded that these works offer a distorted and overly idyllic view of love relationships, inciting us to set the bar too high and generating nonobjective expectations.
They consider that expectations about how a relationship should be are a decisive factor since they determine how we will behave when faced with a problem.
If we expect everything to be rosy, we are more likely to give up at the first hurdle, ruining a relationship that could have had the potential to overcome that hurdle.
Change as a generator of doubts in love
“In all activities it is healthy, from time to time, to put a question mark over those things that have long been regarded as safe”.
With this phrase Bertrand Russell referred to the fact that human beings change over time, our needs, expectations and objectives are transformed, so it is normal that we reflect on where we are and where we are going.
The couple’s relationship does not escape this reality, especially if the other person has changed a lot or has remained practically unchanged over the years.
In these cases, what usually happens is that the couple loses their common interests. When one of the two people realizes this, they may have doubts.
However, doubts in love do not mean that you have stopped loving each other, but simply that you are questioning the type of relationship you have.
The good news is that when there is communication, it is possible to find a way out. Perhaps you just need to spend more time together to rediscover those common interests you have lost.
Speaking of insecurities, obsessions, fears and doubts in love
Sometimes doubts are born out of insecurity. When a person is insecure, it is difficult for them to set goals and determine with certainty what they want, so they feel the need to go back over and over again to see if they have made the right decision.
In other cases, this indecision may stem from a condition: love OCD, a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which the person constantly doubts whether or not he or she loves his or her partner.
In fact, if you make your partner the center of your obsessions, hardly a day goes by that you don’t question the strength of your relationship and your feelings.
Doubts can also arise from fear of commitment. Some people associate a love relationship with the loss of freedom and the annulment of the “I”, so when the bond becomes closer, they begin to doubt their feelings. I recommend his secret obsession . This can help you clear your doubts.
In reality, it is not that the person has stopped loving, but only a defense mechanism.
But doubts in love do not necessarily mean that you no longer love your partner; there are times when a period of doubt culminates in a certainty that you no longer love the other person and the time comes to end the relationship.
Sometimes this period of doubt is prolonged in time because the person is actually very afraid to make the decision to break up, either for fear of hurting the other person, or for fear of loneliness or the future.
If you have doubts about love, we can help you clarify your feelings. We offer you a space where you can think out loud, reflect on the moment your relationship is going through, find the necessary resources to solve this crisis or the courage to make a decision.